My name is Viren, and I work at a software company in Bangalore. Last week, I did something so stupid that my friends still won’t let me forget it.
It all started when my mom called me during lunch break. “Beta, I’m making samosas for the neighbors. Can you pick up some green chutney from Sharma Uncle’s shop?”
Simple enough, right? Wrong.
I rushed to Sharma Uncle’s during my 30-minute break. The shop was crowded as usual, with aunties arguing over vegetable prices and kids begging for chocolates. I was checking WhatsApp when I heard someone say, “Sir, what do you want?”
Without looking up, I said, “One bottle green chutney, Uncle.”
“Which green chutney, sir?”
Still scrolling through memes, I replied, “The usual one, Uncle. The one my mom always buys.”
“Okay sir, here you go.”
I paid 50 rupees, grabbed the bottle, and ran back to office. My colleague Priya saw me rushing in and asked, “What’s that?”
I looked at the bottle properly for the first time. It was bright green alright, but the label said “HAIR OIL – AMLA AND COCONUT.”
“Oh no no no,” I panicked. “This is hair oil! I asked for chutney!”
Priya started laughing. “You bought hair oil instead of chutney? How?”
I called Sharma Uncle immediately. “Uncle, I think there’s been a mistake. I asked for green chutney but got hair oil.”
“Arrey beta, you said ‘the usual one your mom buys.’ Your mom buys this hair oil every month! I thought you finally started taking care of your hair.”
My hair, for the record, is perfectly fine.
I had to run back during evening break to return the oil and get actual chutney. But here’s where it gets worse – I was so flustered that I grabbed another wrong bottle. This time it was green dish soap.
My mom called that evening: “Rajesh, what is this? I asked for chutney and you brought Vim liquid?”
“Ma, it’s green! And it says ‘lemon fresh!’ I thought maybe it was a new flavor…”
“BETA, THIS IS FOR WASHING DISHES!”
The third trip to Sharma Uncle’s shop was the most embarrassing. By now, the whole neighborhood knew about my chutney confusion. Uncle had already kept the right bottle aside for me.
“Here beta,” he said with a big smile. “Mint chutney. For eating, not for hair, not for dishes.”
The aunties in the shop were giggling. One of them said, “Arrey, software engineer but can’t identify chutney!”
My mom’s samosas were delicious, by the way. And now whenever anyone in my family goes shopping, they joke, “Make sure you don’t come back with shampoo instead of ketchup!”
Last week, my mom sent me to buy yogurt. I came back with face cream.
I think I need glasses. Or maybe I should just stick to ordering everything online.
But hey, at least my hair smells really good now. I decided to keep that amla oil after all.
– Viren Sharma, 24, Banglore
